When you keep doing the same thing over and over again and again....can you truly ever stop? I think so, I hope so. God always forgives, but I think He also reaches a point where He becomes sick of seeing the same behavior and maybe not sick of it, but His heart breaks over it. Which isn't a desire...

Also, I need to really work on getting a job of some kind....

whatever

I'm totally ready for school.

I'm gonna be sad to leave work. I've bonded w/ some of the kids. Like Alisha, she has down syndrome and is totally the sweetest girl ever. Shes in kindergarten and yeah extremely cute. The other day she was giving me hugs and playing patty-cake w/ me.

Do you ever get tired of having the same conversation? Or feel like you keep having the same conversation...whether it is actually the same or not. I know that I'm sick of it, but I don't really know what to do about it. Partly because I don't feel like I have anything new to say b/c I don't see any growth in myself or really have anything going on.

Only a few more days. Ben's loan came through, so he is 100% sure coming.  Thanks Glori for driving up w/ me.  It will be fun talking to you, and I'll probably get to be on coffee for you, too...so I can stay awake. I'll try to keep it not awkward for you...

I hung out with Derek last night. Hes a friend that I met through Erica. Hes from Washington. Anyways, he is in the Army and getting ready to deploy to Iraq. It was cool hanging out. We went and saw Stardust, which is actually really good. Then we went to Chilis. But it was fun, I mean, we've talked about him going to Iraq before but this time he seemed okay with it....not as worried or something. I'm glad. I'm also sad he's going because I know that it changes people...hopefully he won't lose too much of himself, especially his life.

School!!! I can't wait to see everyone!!!

12 Days

What do you do when your heart breaks for someone else?
I mean you see their pain and you just want to fix the world for them, to fix their heart. I guess you really can't do anything, but pray and encourage. But still...the desire to help them is there. After they have shared their heart...can you really do anything?

I'm ready for college life again. I'm excited to be doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing; which I think is going to school to become an early childhood/elementary teacher, getting involved in a youth group, being involved in the senate, etc.

I know this is going to sound all mushy and stuff. But I'm really looking forward to spending time with Ben in normal life. I want to talk to him in person and hold his hand.

Oh, yeah...theres a hurricane going by Hawaii these next couple of days. Its mostly by the big island, so I'm told that on "my" island we'll just get a lot of rain and wind. 

Lets go back to school NOW.

I'm ready.

My bags aren't packed. My ticket is bought. The plans are made. I'm ready.

Things That Right Now I'm Looking Forward This Year:

• Seeing EVERYONE, well almost everyone
• Spending time IN PERSON, in NORMAL LIFE w/ Ben (you all guessed that one)
• Working with the youth at JRA (although, I'm not sure how that will work, since I haven't been involved and all that, I'm starting to doubt it will work....bad sign....I need to follow through)
• Living with my girls  (except for that one who decided to live on the OTHER side of campus, oh well, i still love her...and I'm sure I'll be seeing her)
• Talking with my girls (even the ones that live off campus), they are so wise and help me sort through everything...the summer is rough w/out them
• Driving over 2 hours to someplace different than where I started!!!
• Having my "complete" independence again
• Going to class (thats scary that I'm looking forward to it )
• Church-worship
• Something that I'm not ready to write down

Okay...done with this entry.

randomness

If girls didn't have "extreme" emotions....how would life be different?

Would we feel less rejected by things that truly, honestly don't matter...would we able to accept love better....would ....

Does it really matter? We wouldn't be woment. We wouldn't be who God made us to be, in His image. In His image to be a woman, not a man. We may feel like we reach out more, but thats only because God built us for relationships....so we want to be connected with that person, even if they seemingly have "rejected" us (if only for that moment).

As much as I try....I can't seem to rest in the knowledge of what I know sometimes...when I shouldn't pursue, I do. And my heart and mind go all different directions (yet the same one) at once. AGH!!! I wish I could put fully what I mean, but I can't.

I also wish I wasn't on my period....b/c I would like to think I'm not this emotionally "extreme".